I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
