Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
