So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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