Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Let's paint friendship bongs
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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