Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
