I wanna bring you to show and tell
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
