My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
should my penis look like a turkey
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
