I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
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I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
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You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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