I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize