She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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