zippers are such a cool invention
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
