I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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