please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
