i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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