I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
