Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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