I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
