i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
