she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
