Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
