I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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