the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
