I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
