the condom got lost in my hair
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
