I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
