Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
