Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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