Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
