I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
