ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.