I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
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You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
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I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.