I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.