Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
