Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The Olympian is in my bed
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
