i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
