hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.Â
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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