i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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