So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
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I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
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THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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