Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Randomize
