can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
tell me about the eggs
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
The air taste purple.
Randomize
