Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
