my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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