Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
