Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
