and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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