I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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