I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
