This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
