His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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