I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
