i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
