the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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