How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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