She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
