I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
