I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
