I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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