she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
