Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
