My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize