Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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