you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
