im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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