i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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