He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you didnt know i had herpes?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
