in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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