plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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