I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
