make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
sarcasm needs its own font
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
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He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
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when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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