Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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