The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have feelings that need drinking.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.