I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.