dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar