This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
