three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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