So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
