i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
