I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
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Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
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I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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