i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
