don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
