Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize