I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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