is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
