So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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