just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
