then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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