His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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